When I look back to the time we first experienced God's calling to be full-time cross-cultural missionaries, I can hardly believe how naive I was. The thought of bringing the gospel to unreached people groups living in some remote place sounded so romantic, and sacrificing my entire life in service to those people like a dream. . . At this point I'm almost laughing out loud, oh... if I only knew!
If I only knew that I would be living in a dirty, smelly concrete jungle crawling with emaciated street dogs. Surrounded by 6.3 million Asians of which only a handful can speak English, with a culture and religion that can be very overwhelming at times. Sigh.... I definitely wouldn't have been so eager to be obedient to God's call. I guess for me, ignorance was bliss.
But after moving here 6 months ago, I've had all my romantic dreams properly crushed by reality. Cross-cultural missionary life is hard and oh so merciless. Out of 6 months I can hardly remember a handful of days when I didn't have to crawl to God in tears: "God! Please help me! Just get me through this day!". I've wrestled with God, trying to convince Him, that I'm a bad fit, but He has only kept silent on the matter. I've never considered myself to be full-time ministry material, let alone missionary material. I am definitely not a people's person, I have a very difficult, melancholy personality and I have much need of spending time alone. If that doesn't disqualify any person from being a missionary, than nothing will.
But I've learned that my excessive shortcomings, have not only been allowed by God to endure, but were carefully planned by Him. For it has driven me to God in such utter desperateness like I've never experienced before. You see, when you're pushed towards the end of your capabilities so many things which you relied on simply falls away. And at that point you realise, there is only one way for me to survive this... God has to carry me! But with this truth in mind, it is still a daily choice we all have to make: to stand on our own (pride), or to run to Him (humility). Having spent much time in the Word of God lately, I've discovered just how detestable God finds our trust in our own capabilities and efforts, and that He considers it a very serious sin against Him. It's shocking how we are so unaware of God's feelings towards this, seeing as though the Bible is full of it. We are so proud of our pride aren't we, since humility is considered a weakness, as being 'soft'. And yet that was exactly what Jesus modelled for us as essential to being called children of God.
We witnessed the Loi Krathong festival a few days ago. It is held to ask the river goddess for blessings as well as for forgiveness for polluting the rivers so horribly. They present the goddess with small boat like offerings carrying burning incense and money.
How blessed are we as God's children, to not have to place our hope and trust in a river goddess by bribing her to bless us!
When we run in humility to God, seeking Him as our Rock and Shield, we confess that we need a saviour, that we need HIM. Pride does exactly the opposite, it says: I don't need a saviour, I can do it myself... that is why God hates it so much. So which is better, for me to live a lovely life of comfort, or a difficult one filled with weakness and desperately seeking my Saviour...? The answer is clear....
I hope that you will be encouraged to lay down your own strength and capabilities and trust in Him to carry you through it all.
Love and blessings xxx
If I only knew that I would be living in a dirty, smelly concrete jungle crawling with emaciated street dogs. Surrounded by 6.3 million Asians of which only a handful can speak English, with a culture and religion that can be very overwhelming at times. Sigh.... I definitely wouldn't have been so eager to be obedient to God's call. I guess for me, ignorance was bliss.
But after moving here 6 months ago, I've had all my romantic dreams properly crushed by reality. Cross-cultural missionary life is hard and oh so merciless. Out of 6 months I can hardly remember a handful of days when I didn't have to crawl to God in tears: "God! Please help me! Just get me through this day!". I've wrestled with God, trying to convince Him, that I'm a bad fit, but He has only kept silent on the matter. I've never considered myself to be full-time ministry material, let alone missionary material. I am definitely not a people's person, I have a very difficult, melancholy personality and I have much need of spending time alone. If that doesn't disqualify any person from being a missionary, than nothing will.
But I've learned that my excessive shortcomings, have not only been allowed by God to endure, but were carefully planned by Him. For it has driven me to God in such utter desperateness like I've never experienced before. You see, when you're pushed towards the end of your capabilities so many things which you relied on simply falls away. And at that point you realise, there is only one way for me to survive this... God has to carry me! But with this truth in mind, it is still a daily choice we all have to make: to stand on our own (pride), or to run to Him (humility). Having spent much time in the Word of God lately, I've discovered just how detestable God finds our trust in our own capabilities and efforts, and that He considers it a very serious sin against Him. It's shocking how we are so unaware of God's feelings towards this, seeing as though the Bible is full of it. We are so proud of our pride aren't we, since humility is considered a weakness, as being 'soft'. And yet that was exactly what Jesus modelled for us as essential to being called children of God.
We witnessed the Loi Krathong festival a few days ago. It is held to ask the river goddess for blessings as well as for forgiveness for polluting the rivers so horribly. They present the goddess with small boat like offerings carrying burning incense and money.
How blessed are we as God's children, to not have to place our hope and trust in a river goddess by bribing her to bless us!
When we run in humility to God, seeking Him as our Rock and Shield, we confess that we need a saviour, that we need HIM. Pride does exactly the opposite, it says: I don't need a saviour, I can do it myself... that is why God hates it so much. So which is better, for me to live a lovely life of comfort, or a difficult one filled with weakness and desperately seeking my Saviour...? The answer is clear....
I hope that you will be encouraged to lay down your own strength and capabilities and trust in Him to carry you through it all.
Love and blessings xxx
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